Been Dead Before

We were left for dead in July, when Marian Hossa went all-in with Detroit and the Lightning paid a king’s ransom for Ryan Malone.

We were left for dead in October, when all the talk was about the Runner Up Curse.

We were left for dead in December, when we could only muster 15 shots on Tampa Bay’s rotating-door defense.

We were left for dead after the Valentine’s Day Massacre that cost Michel Therrien his job.

We were left for dead in February, when a 1-0 win over the Islanders wasn’t enough.

We were left for dead when Washington won their first two games at Verizon Center.

We’ve heard this before. We’ve been here before.

We’re not dead.

Some folks have to be persuaded to upgrade.

The change notes from the new version of Google Mobile App for iPhone:

  • Speed improvements for search by voice.
  • Support for British and Australian English accents.
  • Various bug fixes.
  • Longer version number.
  • Ninja.

I wasn’t sure I needed to upgrade to this version, but come on, there’s a ninja.

I Turn to the East, and Listen…

Crosby what?

Crosby what?

I’m sorry, Philly, I can’t hear you.

CROSBY WHAT?

Explaining Microsoft’s New Ad Campaign

Steve Jobs is sitting at an intersection in his Mercedes-Benz, waiting for the light to change.

While he waits, Steve Ballmer pulls along side in a neon green Mitsubishi Lancer. Not an Evo, mind you. A bog standard front-wheel-drive Lancer DE with a booming subwoofer causing a buzz from somewhere around the trunk, a gaudy aftermarket rear wing, an obnoxiously noisy exhaust, and an unmodified 2.0 liter naturally aspirated four-banger making only 152 hp.

Jobs glances at the car next to him, rolls his eyes, and returns his attention to the traffic light. Ballmer revs his engine and looks back at Jobs, the time-honored challenge issued.

The light turns green, and Ballmer floors it. With a flatulent rasp, the Lancer surges forward as quickly as 146 lb.-ft. of torque will allow. The monotone engine note of a CVT echoes in the street. As the next green light streaks by overhead, Ballmer looks to his left, and the Silver Arrow is nowhere to be found!

Later that day, Ballmer brags to all his friends about how he dusted Jobs and his precious SL, about how he isn’t cool enough for a Mercedes, how much money he saved on a Lancer, how Mitsubishis are about performance, not flash.

But he missed one thing.

Jobs made a left turn at that light.

Nice To See That SI Maintains Some Objectivity

si-fair-and-balanced

Falling VORG*: Pens Trade Whitney

* Value Over Replacement Goligoski

“Personal reasons,” eh? Maybe I should have checked the Bruins schedule last night. (Update: ESPN’s Scott Burnside is reporting that Whitney’s mother had successful surgery to remove a brain tumor yesterday. The whole “family in Boston/Anaheim at Boston” thing turned out to be a coincidence, and one that’s working out well for the Whitney family in the end.)

The Pens have traded defenseman Ryan Whitney, his significant cap hit, and his deteriorating hands to the Anaheim Ducks for left wing Chris Kunitz and junior left wing Eric Tangradi.

I say “deteriorating hands” because Whitney’s play since returning from foot surgery has been typified by the sudden inability to make or receive a pass. I was never part of the crowd screaming for Whitney to hit somebody. Expecting a defenseman valued for his positional play and offensive skills to suddenly become Scott Stevens makes as much sense as expecting him to become a chipped ham sandwich. But puck-handling was one of Whit’s best assets, and he hasn’t been doing that well at all this year. He was whiffing on outlet passes. On the power play, he’d send dangerously vague floaters along the blue line to Gonchar. He might as well have been using a length of rebar for a stick, the way received passes would clank three feet away.

The final straw for Whitney was the emergence of Alex Goligoski this year. Both players are cut from the same cloth, but Goligoski is younger, cheaper, and (at least this year) more reliable. The only thing he was missing was experience and playing time, especially after Gonchar returned from his shoulder injury, so he’s back in Wilkes-Barre, a victim of the numbers game.

In return, we’re getting another attempt to solve the riddle of Sidney Crosby’s Scoring Winger, at least indirectly. Kunitz is a consistent 20-goal guy, but I’m not sure if he’d fit with Sid right off the bat. If nothing else, he’ll give Dan Bylsma a little more flexibility when line-building.

Tangradi was Anaheim’s 2nd round pick in 2007, and is in his second year of juniors with Belleville. A 6′4″ 20 year old from Philly(!), he’s posting strong numbers in a power forward role this year.

In salary cap terms, Ray Shero has opened up a little bit of space, but not much. Whitney’s cap value is around $4m, and Kunitz’s is $3.75m.

With less than a week to go before the deadline, this could be the move that sets up the move, if the Penguins are looking to be buyers. Here’s the playoff situation as it stands today:

  • The Pens are 2 points out of 8th in the East.
  • Buffalo has lost Ryan Miller indefinitely to a high ankle sprain, and they have no confidence in backup Patrick Lalime.
  • Nobody knows what to make of the Canadiens’ circus.
  • John Tortorella still has to stop the free-fall of the Rangers.
  • Florida has 2 games in hand, but 3 of their 4 games with the Pens are after the trade deadline.
  • Carolina is the forgotten contender, lurking in the shadows, with one more game against the Pens, in Raleigh in early April.

If I’m Ray Shero, I like my chances for the playoffs, but I also don’t think there’s a season-turning blockbuster deal out there. I’m anticipating some trades that keep the team competitive this year, while also freeing up cap space for the free agent market.

The Hockey Gods are petty and cruel, and plague mankind with suffering.

Chris Osgood shutting out the Penguins and proving his critics wrong? Marian Hossa held to an assist on a Valtteri Filppula goal? That I could live with.

Instead, it’s Ty Conklin getting the shutout, and Hossa scoring a back-breaking goal.

That’s Fate twisting the knife.

Adam Burish Gets It

The Blackhawks tough guy on Stan Tallon’s wake and Sean Avery:

I know you can argue that hockey doesn’t receive the same coverage other sports do. On one hand, hockey players don’t create the same “drama” other sports do to get that coverage. Hockey players would rather have no coverage than this type of coverage.

I’m betting this won’t make espnthemag.com’s regular “Reporting from the Jock-o-sphere” feature. Just a guess.

Hat tip to The Big Lead.

Rock Bottom

Zero goals.

Fifteen shots.

Against the godforsaken Tampa Bay Lightning.

If Michel Therrien isn’t peeling paint off the walls right now, consider this season over now.

That’ll Snap You Out of a Funk

Yeah, the Islanders were scuffling along heading into last night’s game. But with the Penguins playing their second game on back-to-back nights, and Sid suffering from an uncharacteristic case of the yips, my expectations weren’t that high.

Certainly not “first career hat tricks for Sykora and Dupuis” high. Not “3 5-on-3 power plays” high. Not even “New York dresses 20 traffic cones in Islanders sweaters” high. I would have settled for Curry holding his own and a 3-2 trapfest.

Instead, I’ll take a 9-2 laugher into Philthy. Much better.