Dagor Penntaur Flashback: Keep It Secret, Keep It Safe

[SIDNEY CROSBY is watching TV in his room at MARIO LEMIEUX’S house. MARIO and the family are visiting their parents back in Montreal, so SIDNEY has the house to himself. SIDNEY hears somebody coming down the hall. Suddenly, GARY ROBERTS rushes into the room.]

GARY ROBERTS:

Is it secret? Is it safe?

SIDNEY CROSBY:

Huh? What?

GARY ROBERTS:

The puck! Where is the puck?

SIDNEY CROSBY:

Up here on this shelf. But I don’t know what you want with…

[ROBERTS produces a pair of barbecue tongs from his coat, and snatches the puck from SIDNEY’S hand.]

GARY ROBERTS:

Hmm… yes. It is as I’ve feared. Do you know where this puck came from?

SIDNEY CROSBY:

Mario told me he found it behind the shed at Bob Errey’s house. Mario, Bibs, and Rex were shagging pitching wedges in the back yard…

GARY ROBERTS:

Mark Recchi was there? Then it is true. This is the One Puck.

SIDNEY CROSBY:

The One Puck? You mean Tugnutt’s Bane?

GARY ROBERTS:

Yes. You see those marks there? Left by Keith Primeau’s stick. This was the puck that ended the Penguins’ five-overtime game against the Flyers in ’99. This is the first time we’ve faced the Flyers since that series. If this puck is still hanging around, it could jinx the whole thing.

SIDNEY CROSBY:

And it’s been on my shelf the whole time?! We gotta get rid of this thing!

GARY ROBERTS:

Whaddya mean, “We?” You know what I’m capable of now. Could you imagine what I could do with this puck?

SIDNEY CROSBY:

So what do I do?

[Before ROBERTS can respond, he hears something outside the window. Grabbing a hockey stick from the corner of the room, he opens the window, jabs the butt-end of the stick at the ground, and hits somebody. ROBERTS grabs the person and, in one motion, hoists him through the window and slams him down on the table.]

EVGENI MALKIN:

Sorry! Sorry! I didn’t mean any trouble. I was just doing some gardening…

GARY ROBERTS:

A bit late for trimming the verge, eh?

SIDNEY CROSBY:

[aside] Trimming the verge?

GARY ROBERTS:

What did you hear?

EVGENI MALKIN:

Nothing. Nothing. Just something about a puck, and the end of playoffs. That’s all. You aren’t going to hurt me, are you?

GARY ROBERTS:

[arches an eyebrow] No…

Advertisements

One response

  1. HABS INSIDE/OUT site says Philly boys are gay and we want it that way. Geaux Flyers.

%d bloggers like this: