Dagor Penntaur: I Can’t Carry It, But I Can Carry You

[EVGENI MALKIN has SIDNEY CROSBY, felled by his wounded ankle and the weight of The Puck, in a fireman’s carry. They are almost to the bank of the Delaware River. Suddenly, MALKIN hears a noise behind him]

R.J. UMBERGER:

The precious is ours! We wants it!

[UMBERGER jumps out from behind a parked car, and tackles MALKIN from behind. MALKIN, CROSBY and UMBERGER all tumble into an alley.]

EVGENI MALKIN:

Hey, I thought those goblins in Montreal took care of you!

R.J. UMBERGER:

Nasty goblinses couldn’t catch us. Now gives it to us!

[UMBERGER jumps on top of CROSBY.]

SIDNEY CROSBY:

Junior swore to protect the precious!

R.J. UMBERGER:

Junior lied.

[UMBERGER grabs CROSBY by the throat. CROSBY reaches up, and tries to push UMBERGER away by the face.]

EVGENI MALKIN:

Oy, Stinker!

[UMBERGER looks up to see that MALKIN has a beer bottle at his feet, and has his stick wound up for a slap shot.]

R.J. UMBERGER:

Huh? AAAAAGGGHHHH!!!

[MALKIN’s slap shot hits UMBERGER right between the eyes, knocking him out cold. He rolls off CROSBY.]

SIDNEY CROSBY:

Come on. Let’s end this.

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